Blog
Caring Through the Darker Months - Simple Ways to Bring Calm for You and Your Loved One
Friday 10th October 2025
Your Care
It's 4:30pm and already getting dark outside. You glance over at your mum, and you can see it starting - that restlessness, that confusion, that agitation that wasn't there an hour ago.
She's pacing. She's asking the same questions repeatedly. She's insisting she needs to "go home" even though she is home. And you feel that familiar knot in your stomach because you know the next few hours are going to be difficult.
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. As the clocks go back and the evenings draw in, many families notice their loved one with dementia becomes more unsettled. The confusion increases. The anxiety rises. And caring feels that bit harder.
At Your Care, we hear this from families every autumn: "Everything was going so well, and then suddenly the evenings became really difficult again."
Today, we want to talk about why the darker months affect people with dementia, and share some practical, gentle ways to bring calm back to your evenings.
Why Do the Darker Months Feel Harder?
First, let's talk about what's actually happening.
Many people with dementia experience something called sundowning - increased confusion, agitation, or restlessness as daylight fades. It's not fully understood why this happens, but several factors play a role:
The body clock gets disrupted. Our internal rhythms rely heavily on light and dark. When days shorten suddenly, it confuses the brain's natural clock, especially a brain already affected by dementia.
Shadows and darkness create confusion. As light fades, shadows lengthen and rooms become dimmer. For someone with dementia, this visual change can be frightening or disorienting.
Tiredness accumulates. By late afternoon, your loved one has been awake for hours. Mental and physical fatigue builds up, making it harder to cope with confusion or process information.
Memories surface. Evening was often "coming home time" - from work, from school. These deep-rooted memories can trigger a need to "go home" or "collect the children," even when that life was decades ago.
When the clocks go back, all of this intensifies. Suddenly it's dark at 4:30pm instead of 5:30pm. That extra hour of darkness can tip the balance from manageable to overwhelming.
What Families Tell Us
"Mum was doing so well. Then the clocks changed and suddenly every evening became a battle. She's anxious, she won't settle, she keeps asking to go home. I'm exhausted."
"Dad gets so agitated around 5pm now. He paces, he gets angry, he doesn't recognise me sometimes. It's heart-breaking."
"I dread the evenings. I know as soon as it starts getting dark, everything will become harder. I feel like I'm failing her."
If you're feeling this way, please know: you're not failing. Sundowning is a real, recognised challenge of dementia. It's not something you're doing wrong, and it's not something you can simply "fix."
But there are gentle, practical ways to ease it, for your loved one and for you.
Simple Ways to Bring Calm Through the Darker Months
1. Chase the Daylight
Natural light is one of your best tools. It helps regulate the body clock and lifts mood. Try to get your loved one near a window or outside during daylight hours - even if it's just sitting by the window with a cup of tea, or a short walk to the end of the garden. Morning and early afternoon light is especially helpful.
2. Keep Days Active, Evenings Calm
Encourage gentle activity during daylight hours. Folding laundry together. Watering plants. Looking through a photo album. Preparing lunch. Then, as daylight fades, consciously shift to calmer activities. Slow everything down.
3. Light Your Home Thoughtfully
Don't wait until it's fully dark to turn lights on. As soon as daylight starts fading, turn on warm, soft lighting throughout the rooms you're using. Avoid sudden darkness or stark bright lights. Close curtains once it's dark outside.
4. Hold onto Routine
Try to keep mealtimes, bedtime, and daily rituals consistent. If your loved one always has lunch at 12:30pm and tea at 5pm, stick to that rhythm as closely as possible. Predictability is deeply comforting for someone with dementia.
5. Rethink Mealtimes
Try offering a proper cooked meal at lunchtime instead. This gives the body time to digest comfortably during the afternoon. Then keep the evening meal lighter - soup, a sandwich, something gentle. A warm milky drink before bed can also help promote rest.
6. Watch the Naps
Short rests during the day are fine. But long or late afternoon naps can make it much harder for your loved one to sleep at night. Gently encourage a bit more daytime activity.
7. Create an Evening Sanctuary
Make the hours before bedtime as peaceful as possible. Soft music. A favourite gentle TV programme. Quiet time with a comforting drink. Familiar rituals like brushing hair or applying hand cream.
8. Surround Them with Comfort
Familiar objects provide enormous reassurance when someone feels confused. A treasured blanket. A favourite cardigan. Family photos. A soft toy they've always loved.
When You Need Extra Support
Here's the truth that many families struggle to admit: the darker months can be exhausting.
You're doing everything right, but it still feels relentless. The evenings are hard. You're not sleeping well because you're worried. You feel guilty when you're short-tempered. You're running on empty.
This is when asking for help isn't weakness - it's wisdom.
At Your Care, we support families through exactly this. Sometimes what makes the biggest difference is having someone there during those difficult evening hours.
An experienced carer who understands sundowning. Who can provide calm, reassuring companionship. Who can take over for a few hours so you can rest, knowing your loved one is safe and settled.
Or perhaps support earlier in the day - helping with that lunchtime meal, encouraging gentle activity, providing companionship - so your loved one is calmer when evening arrives.
We match families with carers who genuinely understand dementia and know how to bring calm to challenging moments.
You're Doing Better Than You Think
The darker months are genuinely harder. If you're finding it difficult, that's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection of how challenging dementia care can be when the seasons change.
Be kind to yourself. Lower your expectations a little. Accept that some evenings will just be about getting through, and that's okay.
And remember: you don't have to do this alone.
Get in Touch
If the darker months are making dementia care feel overwhelming, we're here to help.
At Your Care, we provide experienced, compassionate support for families across Bristol and South Gloucestershire.
Whether you need a few hours of respite, regular evening support, or just someone to talk to about what you're experiencing, we understand.
Call us on 0117 947 7422 for a friendly, no-obligation chat.
We serve Hanham, Kingswood, Longwell Green, Oldland Common, and surrounding areas.